"Tee hee (covering mouth as shown above)... It's considered improper for you to see my open mouth while I'm laughing... But don't worry, you can totally see it later... while I'm deep-throating it."
1.) Cover Your Mouth When Laughing!!
The first cardinal rule of proper geisha laughing is to cover your mouth when the urge to laugh, however slight, arises. Ideally, you should use a fan to cover your mouth. However, this is not mandatory. If you are unable to locate a fan in a timely manner, it is also acceptable to use your hands.
The most important take home message is cover your mouth.
The Mouth Covering Rule applies ANYTIME you laugh, even if you're on a cell phone.
Tokyo’s Tip: Buy a fan to keep in your purse at all times. Practice whipping it out in front of a mirror, experimenting with it’s strategic placement in your purse. Do this until you can convincingly pass as a small, graceful Asian girl with ninja-like fan handling skills. If this fails, but you have access to and full use of both of your hands (the complete set), get regular manicures and just use your hands instead. Just like Snooki.
Rule applies at all times, even in New Jersey.
If you are without hands, or a prosthetic to which a fan may be attached, sorry. You are shit out of luck and have no hope of being regarded as a classy girl in Japan.
"I'm laughing because even though I don't understand English, I love doodie jokes. I have a Japanese sense of humor."
2.) Mastering the Geisha Hand-Covering-Mouth Maneuver Facial Expression
With your eyes (and only your eyes) carefully practice making an expression similar to that of an obese person in a Burger King (let’s call him “Fatty with a Secret”) at a table for one, who after enjoying his Whopper meal farts mournfully, three distinct notes.
She farted mournfully, three distinct notes.
Fatty With A Secret’s face reflects an air of satisfaction but with slightly shameful undertones, because midway through blasting ass, he becomes aware of a nearby table of busty Philadelphia Parking Authority Meter Maids sharing an order of Onion Rings with BK’s zesty horseradish dipping sauce while discussing the contents of the clearance bin at the Walmart on Columbus Boulevard. He has been caught in the act and he knows it but he’s still trying to play it off like he doesn’t know.
Once you have mastered “the Fatty With A Secret look”, try toning it down a bit. The goal is to simultaneously convey a mood of innocence and joy, as if you’ve just located a portal to Narnia in your changing area at the Wishy Washy and can finally escape the totalitarian Communist regime that forced you into the human sex trafficking industry at the tender age of 16.
"It wasn't me... It was my... shoe."
In the case of non-sex slaves living in China or any American Chinatown, the portal to Narnia would be in your kitchen area, where a dishwasher would ordinarily be in a proper American residence.
With practice, you will ideally master the sought-after look. A sort of hybrid of the “Fatty With A Secret” and the “Wow, I’ve located a portal to Narnia and my days of indentured servitude are over!” looks.
Alternative: With swine flu still en vogue, if you pick up a chic swine flu mask, your mouth is already covered for you.
You can still look hip and laugh like a classy geisha without compromising your immune system!
Even haute couture is cashing in on the swine flu craze.
Another excuse to purchase a cute designer accessory… And it’s guilt-free, because it actually has practical use!
Why Cover Mouth?
In Japan, a woman’s open mouth in public is considered offensive and vulgar. There are also some traditions about evil spirits entering a woman’s soul through her open mouth. In Japan, such evil spirits include “Yokai.” Literally, “bewitching apparition.” ”Yokai” encompasses a wide spectrum of frightening, bizarre and even amusing ghouls, goblins and monsters that usually appear at dawn or dusk.
Personally, I’d be more concerned about syphilis entering a geisha’s soul through the assorted man dicks inserted into her open mouth on a daily basis.
Apparently syphilis is not considered to be as dangerous as a Japanese mountain goblin or a mischievous little demon who enjoys cucumbers and sumo wrestling.
If I ever find out, I’ll keep you posted.
"I'm laughing on the inside... but I covered my mouth anyway, probably out of habit."
For more information on strange Japanese demons, ghosts and evil spirits that have been known to enter a woman’s laughing, open mouth, visit the following url:
